The 3R Model — Navigate Your Emotions

A Self-Inquiry Worksheet by Yue Hema

Most of us were never taught what to do with difficult emotions. So we push them away, spin stories about them, or get swallowed by them. The 3R Model offers a map — not to escape what you feel, but to move through it with more ease and less suffering. Notice where you recognise yourself as you read each R.

R1
Resistance
Pushing away
R2
Reaction
Spinning out
R3
R.E.L.A.X.
Being with
R1
Resistance — The Push-Away

This is the first thing we do with an uncomfortable emotion: avoid it. We distract, intellectualise, stay busy, or go numb. Resistance isn't a flaw — it was a learned survival pattern. But when we keep pushing an emotion away, it doesn't disappear. It grows louder.

What emotion am I trying to avoid right now?
Where do I feel the pushing-away in my body?
What am I afraid will happen if I let myself feel this?
R2
Reaction — The Hall of Mirrors

Secondary emotions pile on top of the first. We feel anxious about the anxiety, ashamed of the anger, frustrated by the sadness. This is the spinning — emotions reacting to themselves in an endless hall of mirrors. The further we spiral, the harder it becomes to find the original feeling underneath.

What's the story I'm telling myself about this feeling?
Am I reacting to the original emotion — or to my reaction to it?
Where does the spinning show up in my body?
R3
R.E.L.A.X. — The Practice of Being With

R.E.L.A.X. is not a relaxation technique. It's a way of turning toward what's here — with curiosity instead of fear. When we stop fighting an emotion and simply be with it, something shifts. The feeling can finally move. Use the next page for the full practice.

Notice — something is here. Can I be with it, just for a moment?
What changes when I stop trying to fix or escape this feeling?
What might this emotion be trying to protect or tell me?

R.E.L.A.X. — A Body-Based Practice for Difficult Emotions

When a strong emotion arises, pause. You don't need to fix it, explain it, or make it go away. Move through each step slowly — you're not solving a problem. You're meeting yourself.

R
Recognize
"I notice something is here."
Without labelling it as good or bad — just notice. Something has arrived. Can you sense it?
E
Enter the Body
"Where do I feel this?"
Drop out of the story and into sensation. Where in your body? Tight, heavy, fluttery, numb?
L
Let It Be
"I don't need to fix this right now."
Resist the urge to change, explain, or understand it. Just allow it to exist — as it is, right now.
A
Ask What's Underneath
"What does this feeling need?"
Gently inquire — not with your mind, but with curiosity. What is this emotion protecting? What does it need?
X
eXpand
"Can I make a little more room for this? What opens up?"
You don't need to feel better — you need to feel wider. Imagine softening around the edges of the emotion. What becomes possible when you're not fighting it?
Daily Practice
Your R.E.L.A.X. Journal Entry

Try this: Next time you notice a strong emotion, pause. Put a hand on your chest or belly. Then walk through R — E — L — A — X, one breath at a time. Use this space to journal what you notice. There are no right answers. Just what's true for you, right now.

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